Lovesick
by cobrafantasies
Summary: The craziest, lovesick story wins a trip to Hawaii and Rachel actually has a story to tell.
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** Jen

**Disclaimer: ** Unfortunately, I do not own anything or any of the characters.

**A/N:** The story takes place in season nine. The very beginning, or the paragraphs in [ ] is Rachel's writing to the magazine. Please read and review!

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><p><span>Craziest Lovesick Stories<span>

Submitted by: Anonymous

[ I guess anyone could call me a fool for love. Yeah, I'm into that whole true love, mushy romantic, sweep me off my feet, I cry at every little love story movie, type of stuff. Even bearing in mind I ran out on my own wedding, but hey I found out the bastard was cheating anyhow. Regardless of all that, I never thought I would be this type of girl, the manipulative, crazy girl who begins to play dirty tricks to get what she wants from the guy she's crushing on. Everything was a real shock to me; including the minor detail that the guy I ended up liking was one of my long time friends whom I've known for nine years! I tried to convince myself that it was just physical and some silly dream I had just put the thought in my head, but as more and more time passed these 'thoughts' continued to engulf me constantly. The fact that we're roommates also doesn't help me get over this developing curiosity. So, my insane, crazy lovesick act happened on a Tuesday night. I'll have to summarize it all for you, especially seeing that I've already begun to ramble. ]

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><p>The pen freezes in my hand as I ponder how I'm about to shorten this complicated string of events, as well as avoid using either of our names…no way I want anyone knowing about this. I just want to win the trip to Hawaii. Unfortunately, this story I'm about to submit to my weekly subscribed magazine, I did not make up. Regrettably, I have actually done the things I'm about to attempt to write down. As much as I deeply regret my actions, at the time, I couldn't have felt more fulfilled. It's awful really, I almost don't want to think about it, but I have to if I'm going to figure out how to shorten it to the required length for submission.<p>

It happened on a Tuesday night. That's right, a long day where I hadn't seen Joey all day. He actually had a full day of auditions and I had an endless day at the office. I stumbled home, exhausted, to a dark, empty apartment. My building desire for Joey was becoming a definite sore spot when, like this morning, I had to watch him escort a slutty girl home. Normally, I would have just been filled with disgust, but now a raging jealously takes its place and frankly, ruins my mood for the entire day. Seeing that Joey is such a man whore, this happens often and everyone has been concerned with my off putting mood swings. I claim they're from a new stressful project at work, but even I don't want to be around myself lately.

I let my bag fall on the counter top as Joey walks in. He's acts submissive around me now, like I'm his mother ready to yell at him for something pointless. Of course, I don't want to be this way and especially don't want him, of all people, being so defensive around me. The bad news is I can't control these temperamental emotions running through me. The best I can do is try to forget about the many mornings that cause this, forget the UN-returned yearning from the very man causing this, and try to be sweet around him by the end of the day.

"Hey Rach, how was work?" he tries to smile warmly at me. He purposely makes his way around me before removing his coat and backpack. Every night he asks me the same thing, obviously hoping for some enlightening news that will cheer me up permanently, but usually I respond with the same weak answers. Tonight, though, I don't want it to be the same thing. For us to awkwardly exchange small chit chat, maybe watch a movie or something and then go to bed. The same cycle happening over and over again, I can't… I just can't take it anymore. I have to tell him what's really going on with me, what I've been feeling for a couple of weeks now! I open my mouth to speak, but the words don't form. He finally looks up at me; avoiding eye contact has become more common between us lately.

"Rachel?"

I quickly close my mouth.

"Yeah?" I pipe up.

"You okay? What, did work get worse?" He asks remorsefully. I shake my head and already see a shimmer of hope in his now lit eyes.

"Actually… things have turned around," I begin to lie unknowingly.

"Really, that's great…what's happening?" his voice has renewed life in it and I feel my stomach turn with excitement at his familiar tone. My next words roll off my tongue with actual enthusiasm.

"Yeah, we are finally closing this project, got Ralph to finally agree on something! I'm just so excited, we need to celebrate!"

"Really, wow that's so great! I'll go get the others!" Joey cheers.

"No, wait!" I grab hold of his arm when he rushes past me to the door. I don't want the others, I want to be alone with Joey, but what reason would I have for not including the others in such great news?

"I want to wait to tell them, 'till tomorrow."

He looks at me.

"Why?"

Why, what a good question, I have no idea. I could lie about them not feeling well or something. No, how would he not know and how would they all be sick at the same time? Okay, I'll just say there's no reason…what? Oh, whatever is the last thing I think before I start fibbing all over again.

"I just want to celebrate here, alone, well, with you. I mean when was the last time we just hung out?"

"Every night, we live together," Joey defies.

"Yeah, but I just don't want to bother them so late, and besides, at work I'm always surrounded by so many different people. I don't know why, but the thought of just two, just you and me makes me feel better for now, at least." I don't even know what I'm saying, but I guess Joey has no real reason to object to what I want.

"Okay?" he says and I let his arm go.

"So, wine?" I ask.

"I think we only have beer."

"Whatever alcohol is fine!" I say too jumpy and he takes the beer out hesitantly. I just keep smiling at him and he gives me a half smile as he hands me one of the beers.

"Cheers… to finally getting a chance to relax," I project and hold my bottle out; he clinks his to mine.

Over an hour goes by and we're both on our fourth beer each. I've convinced him to keep drinking and by the looks of it, he only agrees because he doesn't want to get me upset. I guess finally seeing me even remotely happy forces him to stay. We're both pretty tipsy already, when I hand him another beer. He tries to refuse.

"No, I wasn't really planning on getting drunk," he tells me. Then it hits me, without even considering it, I think I was almost subconsciously trying to get him drunk. I'm not sure why, although now a million ideas consume my mind. Maybe the alcohol was rushing to my brain or maybe it was just me, but right at this moment, I can't help but want him more than ever. His dark, ruffled hair; deep, brown eyes; and olive skin have never had me so mesmerized before. I can't keep my eyes from running all over his body and wondering why in the world he's allowed to wear clothes. I push the bottle of beer forward again and give a pleading pout to my lower lip. His eyes immediately give away he's fallen for my little trap. He's so defenseless against my sad act. He slowly reaches and takes the beer from me.

We've been sitting on the bar stools at the island this whole time and now I realize I want to use this drinking thing to my advantage. I stand up shakily, partly on purpose and partly out of my control. He jumps forward slightly, ready to catch me. I hold my hand out.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm just so happy I-" I start and then take away my balance so I wobble to the floor. He quickly rushes to my side and takes my arm to help my back up.

"No, no, I'm fine right here," I smile widely. He pushes the bar stools away so I can lean up against the island.

"Maybe no more beer for you," he says and takes the bottle from my hands. I giggle at him with an innocent face and he fakes a smile at me.

"But I don't want to stop you, please drink…we're celebrating!" I play up being more drunk than I am. I want to be more aware and him less. I'm guessing he saw me stopping as his way out, but my eagerness makes him take a few more sips. My face brightens until he continues to drink more. He slumps down next to me and I playfully squeeze his arm, letting him know how happy I am.

Somehow I've urged him on enough to finish the entire beer and even start on his sixth. The effects are becoming very prominent now. We're laughing and talking about everything we haven't talked about in what feels like ages. Mostly, I'm so content just doing this even though my head still spins occasionally and who knows how Joey's holding up. It's pretty clear if he wasn't on the floor already he probably would be from the beer. I snuggle up close to him and we continue on through the night. He's good and drunk while I'm slowly starting to sober up, although barely. Luckily, I was never as drunk as him to begin with so sober or not I've got at least a decent head on my shoulders. I'm staring up at him as he's talking about some night from a long time ago he remembers with his friends from back home. This is when it happens, when I decide I want to do something. Not sit here and talk with him, but do something with him. I figure no matter how drunk he is he will still realize it's me, his friends Rachel. So, I need to make up a game. Hey some genius thought of pointing a bottle at someone and you have to make out, so it can't be that hard; can it?

"Hey, I have a game," I interrupt him, but he doesn't care. I think he's already forgotten what he was talking about.

"Why don't we play 'Never have I ever'…but _strip_ never have I ever."

His eyes widen at my words and then they narrow in my direction.

"You're not gonna go through with it, you girls never do!"

"Well, there's only one way to find out," I say playfully. "Okay, so the rules are if you have done it, you remove a piece of clothing."

He gives me a challenging look to see if I'm really game, but probably concludes there's no reason not to.

"Okay, okay, I'll go first. Never have I ever…uh… got a girl pregnant."

"Good one," I laugh. "Okay, never have I ever… had a threesome."

Joey gives me an accusing look and I match it back.

"What, you have?" I ask in a naive voice as if I didn't know.

He looks away with a smirk and I'm not surprised.

"Okay," he gives in and takes a shoe off.

"Oh La La! Okay, _stud_, your turn!" I tease.

"Never have I ever… went streaking," he chuckles.

"Me either!" I cringe at the thought and we laugh.

"Never have I ever…" I stop from even thinking of a next one. I know what I want to say and I sit up straight to get ready. His eyes follow me, unsure of what I'm preparing for.

"Never have I ever…" I lower my voice to a whisper and rest my hand the button of the shirt I'm wearing. His eyes are unmoving now.

"Wanted someone in this room," I finish and begin to unbutton my shirt, much to his surprise.

"Wha- Rachel, what are you doing?" he gulps. The buttons are done and I slide the shirt off and I'm left in my purple bra.

"It wasn't true," I shrug in a child like manner. The stunned look in his eyes changes when he seems to realize something.

"Oh, when you had a crush on me," he says almost to himself and then he takes off his other shoe. Seeing his shoe come off, and knowing that's a sign that means he once wanted me too turns me on unexpectedly. I take a deep breath when I realize now he's clearly enjoying seeing me in my bra and takes his time for his next turn. He sits there thinking it over until I slap his arm with a smirk.

"Okay, uh… never have I ever…hmmm…had sex in a public place." The second he says the words I don't believe him, which is why his hands fall to the buttons of his shirt. I watch unmoving as his shirt slowly comes off. If only he knew what effect he was having on me. I try to hide the nervous gulp in my throat. My voice turns seductive suddenly.

"Never have I ever wanted to kiss someone in this room," I whisper. I think he's eagerly waiting to see what clothing I'll take off next, but I don't- I don't move.

"It's true?" his voice almost squeaks. I smile and then stare to his lips.

"No, it's not true, but I was thinking of seeing what it would be like instead."

"What?" he speaks barely audible now. I'm leaning in closer and closer.

"Who would it hurt?" I quietly breathe out right as my lips are just about to touch his. I can sense he's hesitant, but he's frozen and so I simply take my chance.

This was the beginning, the kiss, the rest of the clothes coming off, and then…his bed. I talked Joey into having sex with me, amazing sex by the way. I was in pure heaven for every second of it. And while it was happening, I wouldn't regret it for a second. It was everything I had been fantasizing about for weeks and more! But that was _not _the dirty trick that makes my crazy lovesick story. Maybe to my friends, sleeping with one of my best friends when I have a child with our other best friend is insane enough, but it's actually what I did after this night that's the reason I have a good story. The crazy person inside of me came out the next morning when I played a dirty trick on Joey so I would never have to face the consequences of my actions and the worst part is; it worked!


	2. Chapter 2

_~ 5 Days Ago_

My eyes rouse slowly to dim daylight. My head hurts slightly and I feel hot under the sheets. I sit for a moment looking at the ceiling until I slowly turn to see him, Joey; lying next to me. There I was, in his bed. I just had sex with Joey…Joey! The truth of it all was starting to hit me. I look over at the clock on his nightstand, it reads 4:58. I decide the best thing I should do is get to my room. Avoiding an awkward morning seems like the best idea right now. I lie in my bed completely restless. I was hoping to sleep a while longer especially because I have to be at work soon enough, but I can barely will myself to close my eyelids. The events of the night are rolling back to me over and over again. I'm stunned, frozen; lying there wondering what in the world I'm going to do. What will happen between us, Joey and I slept together! This is crossing a huge barrier line for friends here. And not just friends, but a friend who was in love with me a year ago and I turned him down! Then, to top it off there's Ross, another one of our best friends, who I have a baby with- who would never be okay with this in a million years! Oh my God this can't get any worse! Then, the fear of losing Joey as a friend, of us never being able to get past this enters my mind. It's so dreadful, I see years of us not talking or barely making contact at all. I can't bare it, I finally force my eyes shut to try to block out these visions, which really doesn't make sense since they're all in my head.

The next three hours are the same endless misery until I finally get up at eight am to start getting ready. I'm showered, dressed, and ready in only about thirty minutes. I've never cared so little about my make-up or appearance. So at 8:30 I'm trying to get some simple toast into my stomach, even though there's been a sickening feeling there all morning. I gulp down some orange juice while I almost motionlessly butter a slice of toast in my hand. I have to get coffee on my way to work, I remind myself as I feel the weight of tiredness in my eyes.

The door opens; the door to Joey's bedroom and a sharp pain shoots through me. Here he is; what's going to happen, what will he say? He wearily walks out yawning and putting his hand to his head. I'm on the other side of the island when he slumps down onto one of the island stools and nearly bangs his head to the counter. He finally looks up at me, drained, and _my_ head is spinning.

"I feel awful," he speaks. Hangovers are never fun, but at the moment I want to yell at him that that is not the issue right now. Soon, he's just tiredly watching me butter my toast, which I've been doing for about ten minutes now. His head is obviously not straight, maybe I'll just go to work and we'll have to handle this tonight, I think; partly relieved. Then I watch him as his eyes turn into something else. Confusion or recognition clouds them and I nervously put the bread back on its plate. He looks up at me in an appalling astonishment.

"Wait, last night…what happened? D-did we…" he can't get it out. My mouth is going dry and I'm wondering if any words will come out at all. He's about to form the words, to finish the terrible truth when I blurt out:

"No!"

He looks perplexed at me. I shake my head rapidly. "Wait, what? Weren't you about to ask if we like got together last night?" I sound astounded. I guess the hangover is benefiting me because he just assumes it was that easy to catch on.

"Well, I…maybe vaguely, but at the same time _very _clearly remember us uh…" he shyly stops and I interrupt his pause.

"Oh my God wait a minute!" I snort in his face with a wide smile. He looks unsure at me.

"You- you must have had a…a…" My mouth is crawling with giggles and I don't even know what's come over me. Joey's expression is covered with question and he impatiently asks "what?"

"A _sex_ dream," I whisper deviously. Then I give him an accusing look and smile. His mouth opens and the effects of the alcohol are clearly prolonging his brain activity to an even long time for someone like Joey.

"Do you really think I… but I mean it's so…_clear_ in my mind?" he coughs uncomfortably at his own words. I snicker at him and unexpectedly feel my cheeks blushing.

"Well, I know one thing for sure Joey, we did _not_ have sex."

"We didn't?" he tries to reassure himself.

"Yes Joey! Don't you think I would know! Look, you have a little dream, I'm flattered really; I am. I mean don't go around gloating about it to everyone, but I can't believe you thought it was _real_? It must have been reallllly vivid!" My voice is going higher and I think I'm talking the speed of light. I wonder if I've convinced him at all especially when he takes a while to ponder everything I've said.

"Oh well, I'm sorry, I guess I just remembered it really well," he speaks softly and I see his cheeks blush too. I've never seen Joey blush like this and normally would have teased him a little, but my heart was racing too fast. I had to get out there. We said a couple more things and I tried to verify my statement one last time before rushing out the front door.

I still have no idea what came over me, but it just happened. One lie on top of another. I couldn't imagine my life without Joey and didn't want to even have one awkward conversation with anyone so I just blurted it out. I wasn't myself and it was stupid I know, but there's no going back now. Its official, it has to be a dream. I wonder if saying it enough will really make him believe it or when his hangover finally wears away he will come to terms with reality and I will just have to face it as well?

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><p>I literally creep up to the apartment door. I stare at the number 19 wondering if I may have to leave it soon. I open the door slowly and walk in. The lights are on, but the room appears empty and it's quiet. I put my stuff down and take a deep breath until that very breath and taken from me as I see Joey come out of his room.<p>

"Hey Rach," he greets me casually. I sense his tone is the same familiar one it always is.

"Hey," I try to smile as I hear someone come in behind me. Chandler walks in.

"Hey," he says and then he turns to me with a grin. "Oh, hey Rachel," he gives me a joking face and I don't get it.

"Uh hey?" I respond.

"I didn't know you would be here, are you two still okay, should I go, is it awkward?" he kids around and I fear what he's talking about. I give Joey an anxious look and his face turn serious.

"Hey, cut it out," he instructs Chandler.

"You…you told him," I ask.

"Well, yeah. I'm sorry I didn't think it was a big deal. I mean it's more embarrassing on my part anyway."

The door opens again and Monica comes through.

"Chandler, dinner… oh hey Rach, I heard about the hot dream you starred in," she teases me and my cheeks blush evidently. "So, Joey-" she begins but she stops when we she sees him trying to stop her. I see him signaling her before he quickly shoots his arms back down.

"Um, isn't dinner getting cold?" He quickly says and shoves Monica and Chandler out the door. He shuts the door and turns to me.

"Sorry, I really didn't know you would mind," he shrugs innocently.

"You know what its fine; I just didn't know _you_ would be so comfortable with it."

"Well, I wasn't crazy about the teasing either, but I guess I was still pretty amazed with how real it was and that I dreamt it at all…I just sort of told Chandler without realizing."

I grab a water out of the fridge and take a sip.

"Hey, want some dinner. We have some leftover pizza?"

"Sure," I say even though again my stomach feels as tight as a knot.

He gets out a slice and even heats it up for me. He waits with me by the island. I lean against the counter as he gets a beer out of the fridge for himself.

"So, work good again?"

I just nod because I'm still absorbing the fact that everyone technically knows about us sleeping together, yet somehow they have _all_ believed it was a dream. I force some more water down nervously as Joey senses I'm off.

"Uh, here let me get you a plate," he says. He comes closer and doesn't give me time to prepare when he leans over me to get to the counter above me; his scent envelopes me. When I feel his sleeve brush up against my shoulder, flashes of us come to life before my eyes. I see us stumbling toward his room, lips attached and not breaking. Then the clear image of us intertwined on his bed. The covers flying up, smooth skin hot as fire; wet, warm kisses; the feel of his soft hair; his body over mine. My skins as hot as the memory when a ding sound rings me back to life. The microwave is telling us the pizza is ready.

"Rach?" Joey says and my eyes jet up at him, terrified he might have somehow figured out what I was envisioning. He points in the direction of the microwave indicating I'm in his way.

"Sorry," I mumble and step out of the way. He takes the slice out for me and then hands me the plate. "Thanks," the words barely audible again.

"You okay?"

I look up at him again, probably setting off an alarm in his head with how big and misplaced my eyes must look. I see the concern instantly spread through his face. I'm really only worried that staying here with him will lure in another flashback of us from that night. Or possibly what some contact with him might do if, let's say, he thinks I need a hug or a shoulder rub; which is not uncommon for two people who have known each other for nine years. I try to blink away my obvious expression, but end up just staring down at my pizza as a substitute.

"Nothing, just a long day I guess."

I doubt he wants to accept my answer, but he does. Instead, he stays with me, the one thing I was hoping he wouldn't do. He sips his beer and I nibble on my slice of pizza. I'm chewing some cheese when he coughs, a palpable on purpose cough. I look up as he starts speaking his mind.

"So, uh just to be clear we won't talk about this dream again. I tell the guys to lay off completely- forever?"

"Well, it would be nice to avoid the teasing all together, but you what it's fine really. I was just surprised at first, I told you."

He shakes his head, understanding, and then continues with his beer. I can sense he doesn't believe I'm actually fine with it.

"Joey really, I don't care anymore. In fact, you can talk about it all you want," I justify.

"Hey, I don't _need_ to talk about it or anything I was just, you know, making sure," he defends himself. I nod and take another bite of my food when unfortunately my mind starts wandering. Now, I'm debating whether I could use this 'little trick' I pulled off to my advantage once again. I mean now that it's settled it was all in his head – which still blows _my_ mind- I did want it. I _was_ crushing on him, which I guess I technically still am; this whole thing has just had me distracted. When I think back to the how the flashbacks I just encountered virtually tuned me on, I verify my attraction to him is still very much alive. The fact is I ultimately enjoyed every waking minute of our evening together; even the parts where our clothes remained on. The sex wasn't just great, but it was ten times more incredible because I had been fantasizing about the moment for weeks. The build up is what can really add to a wonderful occurrence. So, of course I know what I felt, and it wasn't just three orgasms that night, but now I wanted to hear his thoughts.

"So…" I begin like a little school girl. He looks over his beer at me. "Since we _are_ talking about it, we might as well…talk about it," I wince at my own failed speech. His eyebrows knitting together are enough to ask me what I'm doing. "I was just wondering what you…thought?"

He lowers the beer down from his mouth as he gulps down his last sip.

"Uh, about what?" his voice is tinted with a laugh, directed at me clearly.

"Your _thoughts_, you know…how was _I_ in the dream?" I finally ask. His eyebrows rise in a mischievous manner.

"Oh," his lips crack into a wide smile. I try to keep my ground and keep my head high. I wait for his answer.

"Well, let's see. It was obviously pretty hot, but _you_ are so that's a given," he starts. Even though he's commented on my body and hotness, as he might call it, before I appreciate it so much more now. Hearing him say he's fond of me invites a welcoming tingle inside. I hold back any sign of a smile and keep a sturdy face.

"But it got pretty intense I must say."

_Well, yeah, we did do it twice!_

"I uh never thought I would be talking with you about how our sex was, but yeah you were pretty awesome." He nods. "At least, that's the feeling I got from it," he adds.

_Thank God! _Almost instantly enters my mind and I've never had such an easy sex review while reassured it was honest.

"So, do you really remember that well, like uh details of exactly what we did?" I continue against my conscience and then immediately wonder if he will get uncomfortable with this talk now.

"Yeah, some, I mean it was like it really happened, but I was so drunk the alcohol blocked half of it out. That's what it feels like anyway. But yeah, I don't think we did anything too freaky, which is a shame really," he smirks at me and I glower quickly back.

"Hey, well if we did I don't know if I would want to hear about that."

"Why you're not into that stuff?"

"What, Joey! I'm not going to talk about that with you!" That was the most ironic thing I could possibly say at this point.

"Okay, okay, well there was this one thing I actually remember."

I practically lean in to hear it until I realize and try to casually slouch back against the counter.

"You uh, would give me these like massages. I can remember your hands on my chest and my ear a lot. I thought I liked that," he tells me firmly, but I can hear the hint of uneasiness at the back of his throat. For me, I'm getting all this fabulous insight to our night, but for him he's reliving what he believes was a dream, and most likely a wet one, and sharing the fine points with me. He's also revealing tidbits about his sex life with someone he thinks he never has nor ever will have sex with, which can only be strange for him. I'm surprised he's told me that much and decide I'm quite satisfied. I shouldn't make him suffer through any more embarrassment.

"Okay then, well thanks for the suggestion," I play it off as a joke and it works yet again. I smile back as I throw away my pizza and then tell him I'm heading in for the night.

"Hey Rach?" He stops me as I'm about to walk through my bedroom door.

"Yeah?" I turn around.

"At least, promise me one thing?"

"What's that?" I reply sweetly.

"You'll fill me in when _you_ have a sex dream about me?"

I bite my lip trying to conceal the smile that's erupting. I finally give in.

"You got it Joe. Goodnight."


	3. Chapter 3

I don't want to say Joey was right, but I'm pretty sure I could kill him for single-handedly setting off some trigger in me, setting it for high, therefore causing every night to fill with dreams about us. Even worse, these dreams may or may not be combined with flashbacks from our actual night together. In the weeks prior, I would have let myself savor these moments, take delight in them. But now, now that I have this dark, bearing secret that I essentially got what I wanted, that these weeks of fantasizing came to life for me; I can't. Waking up hot and sweaty in the middle of the night just gets me panicked that Joey might walk in and magically know exactly what I was dreaming up in my head. Sure, to him it would just be my turn to spill the beans, but how can I all the while knowing that parts of it are just recollection from that night. What if I let too much slip, like how I knew he liked when I massaged his chest and ears from the sounds he made, that I now know what sounds he makes! Or that I know what every inch of his skin feels and tastes like, that I can still imagine him running his tongue over my burning skin. How he was able to evoke slight trembles of joy as I felt him all over me, awaking new found sensations and areas I learned of solely that night.

It seems everything now goes back to 'that night' and I'm pretty glad I got away with it all. Seeing how much I myself draw back to it, imagine how he and possibly the others, if they found out, would be dealing. Although, I wonder all the time what would have happened. Would owning up to what had in fact taken place rekindle the flame he once had for me? Maybe the awkward, terrible consequences I thought up in my head would not have occurred at all. But just the mere chance of it going wrong drove me to this crazy situation.

What sucks the most is, in the dreams I know I shouldn't be enjoying it. It usually starts off with some fiction, or what a dream is- stuff that didn't really happen. Joey will come home and randomly pin me up against the wall or whisper some irresistible sentence in a deep tone that makes me crumble into his arms. Or we'll go back to that night of drinking and celebrating, but instead he'll make the move. Tell me he's been dreaming of me and wants them to come true. Then the steamy sex will start and it's all downhill from there. This part is so vivid probably because this is where some of the flashbacks are mixed in. It's like I'm there, feeling it, experiencing it all. And as I was saying I resist, or attempt to. I try to turn him down, to ignore the playful touches he tries to entice me with or the sweet kisses I eventually fall surrender to. It never works, but it means resistance and a strain is always existent which is not fun. Also, waking up on edge is not a high point either. It's literally like he has to convince me enough so I let go. And then there's about a few _short_ moments when I can take pleasure in these scenarios in my head before I wake up or realize it's not right once again. It's an ongoing cycle of something I should be benefiting from; my mind or dreams are the only places I should be allowed to let myself be with Joey, but now even that's ruined.

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><p>One night, I definitely can't sleep and it's not because of the distressing dreams. A dreadful thunderstorm was sweeping the city. High winds and heavy rain banged against the windows with every other beat of loud cracks of thunder. Finally, after three long hours of failing to get to bed I went into the kitchen. The second I looked out the window I was frightened, the look of the storm was terrifying. I immediately ran into Joey's room without even knocking.<p>

"Joey!" I screamed and he jumped up in his bed.

"What, what, what happened?" he asked groggily, but alarmed.

"This storm is gonna kill us, did you get a look at it?" I yell and run over to his bed. I lean over and pull the blinds to his window revealing the horror to him. But he's to tired to turn around and look.

"No, it's won't. Rachel calm down."

But of course I don't and he pulls back his covers.

"Want to stay with me tonight?"

I don't even think it over and hop in. He rubs my arms comfortingly, but nothing's helping.

"Hey, hey come on, it's just a little storm. It'll pass soon enough," he whispers by my ear. The soft tone of his voice soothes me slightly, but it's not until he eventually wraps his arms around me do I stop shaking. I guess I've been a little scared of storms since I was young, but I've never witnessed one like this. At least, I wasn't alone for it. It's not until I doze off for a few hours and then awake again, do I realize what I've done. Joey's arms are still protectively around me and I've never felt safer. I can't believe I'm cuddled in Joey's arms, in his bed. It's quite a cozy position and I don't want to move, except to maybe get a look at him. I try to turn my head enough to do this. My body ends up shifting a little to accomplish this as I see he has fallen asleep again as well. Because of my slight movement his arms are staring to fall off of me. I want to grab them back, but I don't want to wake him up. So, instead, I simply snuggle up even closer to him and drift off when his entire body heat is warming me to a delightful crisp.

I wake hours later from a wonderful sleep, free of any dreams at all! The sunlight streams in through the window and I'm grateful the storm is behind us now. Unfortunately, no Joey is next to me or cuddled around me in the bed. He's gone and I look over at the clock to see its 11am. Thank god it's a Saturday! I lay in his bed a while longer to soak up the pleasant night I had. I start spooning about lying in bed with him every night, how I wish that could come true. I finally force myself to rise and get out of the bed before I let myself become too attached. As much as I _did _appreciate the night with Joey, I will soon wish I somehow made is last longer, soaked up every second I could, because a little later Joey sits all of us down to tell us something. I walk into Monica's and Chandler's apartment with everyone else, thinking nothing of it, probably just some good news even. Joey stands in front of us as we all take a seat in the living room. Then, he drops the bombshell on us. He explains he got the news a few weeks earlier and hadn't told us because he was deciding this whole time what he really wanted. When he says it, my heart feels like a ton and has just dropped twenty feet. My stomach feels ill and I can't process what he has said, no matter how clearly he's said it. I hear it again in my head, like it's booming through my ears.

"I'm moving to California."


	4. Chapter 4

_NO! NO! NO! NO!_ Is all I'm thinking, I'm screaming it in my mind and I want to scream it at him. He waits while everyone seems to be digesting his words. I want to say something, but my eyes are burning and I'm scared if I even open my mouth to talk who knows what I'll sound like or if anyone will be able to hear it, since the tears would undoubtedly burst from my eyes the second I try. I finally tear my eyes off him and look over at everyone. They all look shocked and sympathetic.

"So, this job is really huge? It's not like the movie from Vegas that fell through?" Chandler tries not to be mean, but wants to be sure.

"Yes," Joey smiles. "I can show you the contracts, my agent and everyone assured me this is it. This is really a huge opportunity and then my agent also talked to me about moving to Hollywood. She said I could get a ton of more work after the movie there."

Every word he says is just turning the knife it feels like he stuck in me with his first revelation.

"Well, if this is what you're sure you want…then we support you," Ross speaks for us all. Everyone else nods their heads.

"But we're going to miss you so much. When would we get to see you?" Phoebe breaks through.

"I don't know. I guess I'll definitely try to make it back for holidays and stuff, but I'll call all the time," Joey tries to comfort us.

We end up spending a lot more time talking things through, but basically everyone is just saying their goodbyes to him. At least, that's what it feels like to me. Discussing how much we'll all miss each other and what we'll have to do to keep in touch and how so and so will have to find someone else to do this or that with, is the worst medicine to my aching head right now. But of course I sit through it and try to get a comment in here or there so they don't start asking if I'm okay, because I surely will fall apart if I tried to answer that one. Finally, we head back to the apartment. Joey's so quiet now, there's nothing left for him to say, at least until the day he actually goes, which is in two days by the way. Two days; that's all I have left and then who know when I will see my best friend, favorite room mate, and the man I'm falling hopelessly in love with, ever again!

I'm so frustrated, angry, upset, depressed, and every terrible emotion you can think of…I just avoid Joey for the next forty-eight hours. Well, as best I can, I do live with him, but I think he has certainly noticed. I see his guilt-ridden face every time I rush out of the room or avoid conversation with him. Everyone else is the complete opposite. There's almost not a single second one of them isn't with him, trying to spend what little time they have left with him. That's what's also making it so much worse, I know we might not see him for a while and definitely not as often as now, but everyone is acting like we'll _never _see him again! I just want to slap them every time they start tearing up or getting all sentimental around him.

* * *

><p>Time is running out, Joey has to catch a cab to the airport in an hour. His bags are all packed and although everyone has said anything and everything, we will all say goodbyes pretty soon. He asked no one to come with him, to make it a little easier. I walk out of my room, dreading every moment that passes. Joey is in the kitchen, just standing there, his bags already in the corner. He turns around and gives me a sad smile. I want to give him one back, but I can't even force myself to do that.<p>

"Rachel?" he says softly.

"Yes," I speak.

"I wanted to talk to you." He's walking over and I already don't like the sound of this. How am I going to handle this?

"It's just, you've been so quiet lately, I feel like we haven't really talked," he continues. Oh no, I think, this is precisely what I didn't want. I wanted to stand in the back, hold in my tears, and slip a quick hug in. That's it, anymore and I will fall to pieces in an instant. Why is he doing this to me, but obviously I know why. He cares about me so much and he would never leave without letting me know one more time.

"I hate leaving all you guys, but I know we'll stay just as close; all of us."

It hurts to try to keep myself together at this point.

"And you and I, I love our friendship now. I've loved living with you and I've loved getting to know you. You're so amazing Rach, I hope you don't forget about me," he cracks a smile when he's finished. I'm more shocked than anyone I'm able to still keep the tears inside and get any words out at all, but in a broken, hushed voice out come the words,

"I could never forget you, I love you."

I know the words are just of endearment to him and I realize they'll probably never again mean to him what they do to me now. With that, he pulls me into an insanely tight hug and holds onto me until we hear a knock at the door. My hands travel off him as he turns to see the others slowly walking in. Monica and Phoebe have dried tears on their cheeks and Ross and Chandler look so distraught behind them. I don't say anything else to him. He does give me another quick hug after the others have finally finished their long speeches to him. At last, he's walking out the door. Bags in hand, I watch him until he's out of view, down the steps. Then we head to the window and watch his cab drive away- forever- or it seems like it to me.

The last thing I do before I attempt to get on with my life, try my hardest to deal anyway I can, is mail my letter. I summed up the best I could the trick I played on my good friend who remained nameless in my piece. In the end, I write how he has moved across the country and I'm not sure when I'll see him again. The paper holds the truth, that my heart is still lingering with him and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to take it back. I lick the envelope closed and drop it into the mailbox the next morning. Maybe a trip to Hawaii would help get my mind off things; maybe I need to get away too. Who knows though, I doubt I will win; my submission might not even make the cut. Although, even if I do win, I wouldn't even know for weeks and the trip wouldn't be for months.

* * *

><p>Like I assumed, dealing is nearly impossible. Everyone is worried about me and I'm surprised they haven't connected the dots that there's more to it than just a good friend moving away. That it's true feelings and desire that's keeping me locked up in my room or overtime at work every night. We occasionally get calls from him, but I never really feel like talking. I do though because I have to pretend for everyone, especially Joey. If he thought I wasn't alright for even a second he would instantly be miserable there. I couldn't let that happen, so I talk so normally on the phone to him, he'd never know. I tell him Emma and I are doing better than ever and we miss him, as everyone else says. After a few weeks, I have the rest of them believing I'm fine. I fake it till I make it I guess.<p>

Although, I'm terrified if this will ever end, am I just waiting for Joey to come back, to finally visit?

Is that what it will take for me to stop feeling so heart broken all the time, for Joey to come home?

None of us end up seeing Joey again for another two years.


	5. Chapter 5

_~ 2 Years Later_

My story was published. I'm staring at my section on page eight in the magazine. Some crazy loon won first prize and the trip to Hawaii, but mine is still there, right below it. And I don't mind because first place deserved it, she really sounds mad! Anyway, it ends up it didn't matter at all that I didn't win because my piece got more attention. After the magazine was published, everyone, well a bunch of people, was interested in my story. So I received a letter from the magazine saying many people wrote in wanting to ask me questions and would I be okay with supplying a form of contact for them, such as an email address. The thing was I didn't want anyone finding out it was me, so I did one better and created a blog online. That's right, it's called "Lovesick" and it's open for anyone to see. I set it up and sent the magazine my link. After playing around with pretty pink fonts and styles, I basically just summed up my story once again and then added how readers have wanted to contact me and now they can. After a week, I already had eighty seven visitors! Can you believe it? Now, two years later, I have 590 subscribers to my blog, I'm not kidding! They ask me for more details about my relationship with Joey, whom they still don't know his name. They respect my privacy so we call him John Doe, creative right? Then they ask me how I thought to make up the lie and is it true that everyone believed me? Now, they ask have I seen from him or spoken to him recently. They ask what I say to him on the phone when he calls and what I'm planning on doing if he returns. Some of my subscribers are actually mad at Joey for not visiting like he promised. Whenever he calls now we ask time and time again where he has been and when he's coming. He apologizes every time saying he had work or felt bad leaving his sister and nephew on Christmas or whatever holiday he promised to come home for. We were mad at first, but in the end I don't know if anyone could stay mad at Joey for too long. At least, I can't.

The only downside to chatting about Joey almost every day with my lovely followers is that I was never able to move on. I was truly beginning to before my story got published and then this all happened. But at the same time, I've never had so much support. They are all rooting for me and hoping Joey and I will one day be together and get married. Sometimes, I feel like I'm five years old and planning my pretend wedding with my best friends. But that's why its so much fun and I love it.

Then we receive the news. It's getting close to Thanksgiving and Joey has assured us he's coming home to New York City. His enthusiasm is enough to convince us over the phone. I quickly post it to my blog the next day. The site fills with replies almost instantly. They are all excited and thrilled for me that I'll finally get to see him again. I tell them they shouldn't get their hopes too high because Joey and I are still in the same spot, meaning what are the chances really of something happening. They all attempt to raise my hopes and even give me advice on making a first move myself. I tell them us getting together would be very complicated, but I'll see what happens. I can't deny the strong feelings I still have, but my friends don't even know about it and yet 590 strangers do! I'm not so sure that's a great start.

* * *

><p>The day Joey arrives my heart is racing all day, non stop. When I see him at the airport, I don't know how to describe the feeling. It's like without even getting to say hello yet I sense a void filling finally. I can breathe a little easier even though my heart doesn't sound like it agrees. I feel better, seeing him.<p>

He walks up to us and everyone is hugging him and squeezing each other too tight. I'm saved for last I guess, I brace myself: for the feel of his warm embrace, for his too familiar scent, and welcoming self. Then, his arms are enveloping me and I take it all in without even thinking about it twice. I clutch his jacket like he's about to slip from my grip. He allows this and tightens his hold on me until the yearning to hold on any longer is compressed out of me. He smiles at me, the smile I've missed for far too long and we head back to the cab. The whole drive back is like a fog to me. I'm just not believing he's back; he's sitting right next to me. I jumped at the chance to share a cab with him, since we need two for all six of us. Phoebe's with me, occasionally squeezing his hand and rambling on to him. I hear them laughing and talking, but I don't say anything. It's almost like I'm in a state of pure bliss. I can't understand how he can make me so happy by just being here. You would think I feel this way if he asked to be with me, got down on one knee and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but no he only got off a plane and sat next to me in the taxi ride home.

As the day goes on though, I notice a change. Joey seems to be avoiding eye contact with me and barely acknowledges me, although I understand he has his hands full with the other five all over him. They're all asking for details about Hollywood or congratulating him on his movie; which was a pretty big success by the way. Yet, at the same time I can't help but feel a slight coldness from him. There's a distance between us, even though he answers my questions and will give me a small smile here and there I can't help but feel it's all forced. I begin feeling nervous at the thought of this and I stay pretty silent for the rest of the time.

* * *

><p>After hours of catching up, we finally head back across the hall. We walk through the door and I want to say something, but what can I really accuse him of? A feeling that he may have been being a little different around me? I mean, he didn't really do anything mean or harsh, he was just giving off to vibe I guess. I decide against it and offer a suggestion instead.<p>

"So, want to watch a movie or something tonight?"

"You know what, not really. I'm going to bed," he tells me. Without even a goodnight he turns and then I watch his bedroom door close. His tone was almost dismissive and I'm stunned. What has happened? Where is the Joey I once knew? I swiftly make my way to his door and bang on it until he swings it open, annoyed at my outburst.

"What?" He tries to keep his voice down, but it's nearly a shout. Joey would never get this irritated so easily. His first approach would be concern, especially with me.

"What's wrong with you?" I straightforwardly shout.

"What are you talking about?" he answers angrily and brushes past me.

"Did I do something to tick you off? I haven't seen you for two years, how are you possibly pissed at me?"

He cracks open a beer, obviously not wanting to discuss anything, but I don't accept this.

"Joey, answer me!"

"I thought I knew you Rachel," he grunts.

"What? What are you talking about? You do, of course you do!"

"No, no I don't."

I'm still completely lost. He goes for another gulp of his beer but I snatch the bottle from his hands.

"Hey!" He argues.

"Please tell me what the hell you're talking about!" I yell yet again.

He swallows hard and then takes a moment before finally filling me in.

"I read the article." He says and his words make me turn to stone. An utterly, embarrassed, confused, unable to move stone hard rock! How- what does- when- so many questions are packing into my head. He stands there, emotionless, waiting for my response.

"The- the article?" I ask softly.

"Yeah, I was featured in an article so my nephew brought me the magazine. On the next page, they had a re-publication of a 'popular shocker' from some lovesick story that was from months ago. I just happened to read it. I thought who else has a friend of nine years, living together, has a night exactly like ours and then 'the guy' coincidentally moves to California next!"

I stand shell shocked, not believing this is happening.

"Rachel! How could you lie to me like that?"

"I'm- I'm so sorry. Joey, I just didn't want to face everyone, I didn't want us to stop being friends!" I quickly blurt out.

"I'm not even talking about that!"

"What?"

Now, I'm thrown for a loop again, what else could there be?

"How could you- not tell me?" he questions me.

"I just…" I try again answering, thinking maybe I wasn't completely clear before or something.

"That you're in love with me?" He finally clarifies.

I shut up then. I don't know what to say. He's not even mad about the fact that we actually sleep together and I managed to hide it from him. I tricked him and lied to him for months and instead he caught the one little line at the end of the article that said,

[The man I think I'm falling hopelessly in love with is moving across the country.]

On top of everything, I have to face my true feelings. I have to admit not only to him, but to myself that I am…I'm in love with him. I blink and automatically look away. I think the room is spinning and I know he's not going to wait forever. He'll ask me again soon enough.

"I…I…" I try to speak, but it's more difficult than I imagined. "I guess I developed these feelings and then…ever since…that night, they turned into something more." I explain to him. His eyes are finally relaxing and the fury inside them is dissolving into something more caring.

"Why wouldn't you tell me…this was _two _years ago Rachel!"

"I know…I'm sorry! I was scared; I didn't know how to tell you, I couldn't tell anyone."

"I did."

I stare at him, my eyes starting to get puffy and watery.

"I know, but the fact that I- rejected you then, just made me feel worse." My head lowers so I'm not sure what his reaction is. I hear him take a deep breath.

"Rachel." His voice is returning to normal which gives me the slightest bit of relief, but this whole conversation is the hardest thing I've ever had to face. I try to stop myself from crying, but he can see I'm on the verge of gushing tears. He walks over and does the one thing that has always warmed my heart, that has always made me feel accepted and open to tell him anything. He lifts his hand to my face and gently brushes a strand of hair out of my face. Then he slowly wipes a tear away that has gotten lose and rolled down my cheek.

"I wish you didn't keep this from me for so long. Maybe if I had known, things could have been different. I might not have moved if I knew," he soothes me softly.

"But then you're career wouldn't be so great. You would have never had that movie or any of the opportunities you have. I couldn't do that; I couldn't take those things away from you." Now, my tears overpower my struggle and are coming pouring out.

He shakes his head at me.

"But if I had known, I could have told you- I don't care about those things. There are other things more important, people, like you. Rachel, as mad as I am at you, I could have told you… I still love you," he confesses to me. Through my blurry tears, and chokey feeling in my throat, everything brightens. An immense feeling of joy is creeping all through my body until every part of me is tingling with glee. I can't stop the smile that takes over me.

"Really?" I choke out.

"Really."

His hand caresses my face again. He smiles at me, finally the pure, lovely smile that I love more than anything. I pull him into a blinding kiss until we can't breathe and have to break for at least a second. We kiss until my lips rid of the deprived coat they've held for all those long months. I never want to stop kissing him and running my fingers through his hair and all over his arms and back and chest. His hands grasp my waist as he returns my kisses with a matched passion. My kisses are so frantically attacking his that soon we start falling to the ground together until I'm happily on top of him continuing my frenzied actions.

"Wait," he hastily cuts in.

"What?" I ask impatiently.

"What does this mean?"

"What do you mean, what does this mean? I think it's kind of obvious?"

"Then shouldn't we… I don't know, clear it with Ross?" Joey tries to sit up and has shifted me so I'm sitting on his lap now.

"Do we really need his permission?"

"Well, what if he's not okay with it, I mean he is the father of your child. And our best friend, your ex, he's kind of important."

I roll my eyes, just wanting to get back to kissing.

"Look, I just wouldn't feel right about this if he wasn't okay with it," Joey tells me and I know he's right.

"Fine, let's go tell him!"

"Rach, it's a little late."

I look to the stove and see it's nearly midnight.

"Well, then let's just get back to what we were doing," I smirk and lean in again. Joey holds me back and gives me a look.

"Alright, we'll tell him first thing tomorrow."

"Okay," Joey agrees happily.

"Maybe I should get to bed; I'm pretty jet-lagged anyhow," he says.

His eyes signal to me and I stubbornly get off.

"Can I have a goodnight kiss?" I propose sweetly.

He smiles at me and leans in to give me a light kiss on the lips, but I wrap my arms around his neck and make it last. He gives in and lets me have one last kiss before we part to get some rest. Tomorrow will be a new day, a delicate one, but a good one. Then I realize I forgot to post this all to my blog!


	6. Chapter 6

I hate how most of the time there's no way to realize how much you would love your life to stay just the way it is, because all anyone is doing is looking ahead; searching for what they still want, what they still don't have.

I woke up this morning only thinking about what's to come, not what I had. This morning, I had five amazing best friends, my beautiful daughter, and the man of my dreams still in love with me; today…not so much.

Joey and I bravely went to see Ross. We invited him out to brunch. Immediately after being seated, Joey and I stuff our faces into our menus. Soon enough Ross starts chatting and begins to question why we won't look at him. I was trying not to be so obvious, but this was harder than I thought it would be. I would have liked some more time, but I think at this moment Joey and I mutually agree we shouldn't be stalling. I take a deep breath, considering I believe it's only right I tell him. Joey already talked to him about being in love with me a few years ago and I'm the one who started this whole thing.

"Ross I have to talk to you about something."

Ross's face is steady, watching me.

"Well, the thing is…I have been possibly…no I am, I mean-" I stumble again and again. Ross is only confused now. Joey stays quiet and bites his lip.

"What?" Ross asks.

"I have…feelings for Joey," I nearly whisper. "And he likes me too."

I feel so stupid saying these words, but it probably wouldn't have mattered how I phrased it, Ross's face still would have looked the same. He's frozen, trying to figure out if he has heard me correctly. I know he has and I'll tell you, it doesn't look good.

"Ross?" Joey and I are both concerned. Ross's eyes fall to the table, but his speechless expression remains. The silence is worrying me beyond belief.

"Ross, say something." Right as I say this he puts his hand up.

"Are you- serious?" He speaks slowly and it's scaring me.

"Yeah, we are,"Joey tries to help.

"H-How did this happen? I mean, when, why!" Ross's voice unexpectedly starts to rise.

"Ross, calm down. We don't know, it just happened, but it's real and we wanted to talk to you about it," I try to explain, but Ross is shaking his head in disbelief. We don't know what to say, so we wait for him.

"I can't believe this, you didn't like him…what, four years ago!"

"Well, no, but over time…things changed."

I'm having trouble speaking comfortably with the way Ross is reacting right now.

"So, are you two together?"

Joey and I look at each other and then Joey answers.

"We wanted to talk to you about it first. We want to know if you're okay with this all."

"Yeah,"I agree and we wait for his shell-shocked expression to fade once again before he finally replies.

"Am I okay with it? Oh yeah, I'm fine! I'm perfecting fine with you two getting together," Ross starts to get up out of his seat. As he rises, so does his voice. "Of course I'm fine with the mother of my child liking one of my best friends. Oh oh, maybe you two will get married and have kids, then you'll have a kid from two different people as well, just like I do!" He's laughing crazily and starting to make a scene. I see people staring.

"Ross!" I try to shush him, but he's ignoring me.

"I mean, sure you only wanted to be friends before, but now, now everything has changed, hasn't it?" he's still partly yelling.

"Ross, stop it! This isn't just a fling, this is serious," I tell him.

"How can it be…" he starts nearly laughing at me.

"I love him Ross, and he loves me!" I finally shout at him and now everyone's eyes are on our table. Meanwhile, Ross has frozen where he is, with a sorrow expression. He slowly sinks back into his chair.

"Really?" He finally says after what feels like a decade.

"Yes," Joey answers when seeing I can't. Ross looks down and then suddenly picks up his menu. We wait, but he stays silent. We look to each other, not sure what to do.

"I think I'm gonna have the fish," he says aloud.

"What, Ross, what about Joey and me? Aren't you going to say anything?" I question him.

"I have to think about it. I need some time, can we please just order," he snaps at me. I'm taken aback by this, but I just pick up my own menu and try to find something to order. The rest of the brunch is probably the most uncomfortable of my life. I'm the one shell-shocked for the rest of the meal. When it was finally over, I was never so relieved in my life to leave a restaurant.

* * *

><p>The second Joey and I make it home, I storm through the door.<p>

"What are we going to do!" I ask frustrated.

"Rach-"

"He's never going to be okay with this! Can you believe what a scene he made, that was so humiliating!" I continue on. "I mean, what right does he even have to judge us like that. Ross and I haven't dates for over six years! If it was anyone else, I wouldn't bring the guy home to meet Ross! I wouldn't ask Ross if he was okay with it!"

"Rachel!" Joey finally stops me when I'm out of breath. He walks over and grabs my shoulders. He forces me to look him in the eyes. "It'll be fine, we'll figure this out."

"How, how!" I shout and then lower my voice when Joey's face chastises this. "Joey, what if he never says okay?" my voice crumbles when the thought enters my mind. Joey pulls me into a hug and I feel scratching tears drip from my eyes.

"He has to, he'll realize how much we care about each other and how much he cares about us. He still loves you, not like that, but for you. He'd do almost anything for you and Emma. And he was one of my best friend's this morning, that can change that quickly…at least, I hope not." He rubs my back with his hand, comfortingly. His words help slightly, but I still fear the fact that he can't really be anymore sure than I am right now.

"Okay," I whisper, but as I bury my face into his chest, I've never felt so empty.


	7. Chapter 7

Snuggling up to Joey is officially the second best thing in the world, behind seeing Emma smile. His arm is wrapped around me and I'm listening to his heartbeat under my ear. We're squished together on one of the barchaloungers, so I'm basically curled on top of his lap. It's only warm and comfortable against his red sweater. I'm not even listening to whatever is on the TV screen, even so, I notice when he turns it off. Silence envelopes us, but I welcome the quiet. A deep sigh from Joey is what worries me.

"What's wrong?" I lift my head from his chest.

"It's just, maybe we shouldn't you know… be this close?" He speaks shyly knowing I won't be happy.

"Joey, we're still friends, we've been close before."

"Well, I know, but I was just thinking: what if Ross walks in, how would he feel?"

"Joey, we are in love with each other and yet we're sacrificing our relationship for Ross! Don't you think we should be allowed to at least enjoy each other's company?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Joey nods.

"I am right. I mean should we never touch, never hug- why should we be allowed to look at each other unless Ross says it's okay!"

"Alright, Rachel, I get it," he laughs at my exaggerating. I try to smile, but this whole Ross thing has actually been a distressing problem for me. It's been about five days and Ross hasn't even mentioned it. When I went to drop Emma off at his house, you wouldn't believe the rage that started building inside of me. I just can't help, but be angry at him. It's not fair that he gets to be so stubborn, that he can put a pause on my and Joey's relationship. He's the reason I have to hold myself back whenever I come home to Joey. He's the reason I have to appreciate any little moment Joey and I can be alone or close, like we are now. I'm so mad I can't kiss the man I love and we can't share our love. We can't hold hands or tell our friends.

I look at Joey's face, studying his features, wishing so many things were different. Without even thinking, I throw my lips on his. I've missed this kiss that I've barely been able to have. I feel like he's never really been mine. After forcefully pushing my lips to his, they eventually break off when the emotion driving them is finally drained.

Joey lets it happen, probably because deep down he wants everything exactly the way I do. He's been waiting around for this for much longer than I have, maybe he has learned how to blanche patience and lust. Still, it's apparent he finds this all wrong. The problem is, my mixed emotions of frustration at Ross and desire for Joey is making me too anxious and in a state of disarray. I attempt to kiss him again, but he presses his head as far back into the chair as he can. There's not much room for him to retrieve.

"Rachel, we really shouldn't-"

I jump to his lips again, but he turns his head to the side to break the kiss once more. I don't care, I keep kissing him and if he moves I kiss his face, his cheek, his chin, his nose, his jaw.

I know he wants it too, I know more than anything he wishes he didn't have to stop me. And I know I shouldn't be doing this to him; playing with his values, putting him in this position, but I can't help it. I literally feel like if I don't kiss him I'll go crazy. I'd storm off and blow up on Ross and I can't do that, as much as I want to, it wouldn't be right. I can't risk being on bad terms with Ross for the sake of Emma and for the sake of our group, all our friends.

Joey's resistance is growing weaker as my kisses are growing more rapid. Finally, he's getting dizzy from turning away again and again. Finally, I catch his lips steadily in mine. His struggling has finally sufficed and he's fallen surrender to me. His lips turn soft again and mush to mine in that perfect way they did for our first kiss. Both of us linger on the feeling before hot desire takes over and we are fumbling our mouths all over each other. I feel his hands all over me and I'm clawing at every inch of him. I'm sure at any minute he'll swoop me into the bedroom. I'm not thinking of anything else, no one has to know, but us. Then, out of no where he completely breaks away. He nearly pushes me off him so he can get up from the chair and me. His breaths are rugged as mine are and I know it was his only way of controlling himself.

I let him go even though the only thing I want is to pull him right back into my arms.


	8. Chapter 8

My rage for Ross has surprising subsided, although I'm still constantly annoyed with him. I think it was just time, _all the fricken time he's taking_, that's just tired me out from being so angry. So, I'm still unhappy every time I have to see him and talk to him like everything is perfectly fine because he's the only one who knows. When all six of us are together, Joey and I have to act like nothing is going on and everyone would be suspicious if I treated Ross any differently. So, I can't, I have to smile and be kind to the man who's killing me inside for being so unfair and selfish.

It's a Wednesday and I'm going to pick Emma up from Ross's apartment. I knock on the door and he answers with a huge smile on his face. I mean, a smile so wide it could fall off his face.

"What?" I question his oddness.

"You won't believe it, I got Emma to laugh today!"

"What?" I ask in disbelief, any anger instantly flushing from my face.

"Yeah, yeah, it was amazing! She has the best smile!" he exclaims.

"What, oh my god, that so amazing! How did you get her to laugh?"

Ross falls silent and I bug him again for the details.

"I sang a song."

"What song?"

"Baby got back…" he says quietly.

"Baby got what?" The excitement drains from my face as quickly as it came.

"Baby got-" he starts to repeat himself.

"I know what you said!" I yell. "Ross, how could you sing to our baby about a man who like to have sex with woman with huge asses!"

"Look, I didn't mean to. I just started singing it and she laughed. It's the only thing that works I'm telling you." he argues. I shake my head at him.

"Seriously Ross? I don't want you singing that to our daughter, I don't want her hearing those things."

"Okay, you're right. I won't do it again, sorry," he sighs. I roll my eyes and go retrieve Emma from her play pin.

* * *

><p>When I get home, I just sit and watch my beautiful baby; jealous that Ross got to witness her adorable laugh and smile. I try playing with her, making faces, funny voices, and anything I can think of. Nothing budges, she doesn't even flash a smile. I sigh, exhausted from all my attempts. It's getting late anyway so I put Emma to bed. I figure I'll try again tomorrow morning.<p>

When I walk out of my room, after Emma is sound asleep, Joey walks in.

"Hey," he says and I give him a weak hello back. When he asks me what's wrong, we sit down on the couch and I give him the whole story. He laughs, right in my face, when I tell him.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because I can't believe Emma laughed at-"

"Yes, I know, you don't have to say it!" I stop him. He's still holding a huge grin on his face, trying to keep from laughing again. I roll my eyes and look down.

"Well, did you try it?"

"I told you, I tried everything!"

"No, I mean the song, did you sing it?"

"No, why would I do that? I don't want her to hear those words."

"Well, how can you know if it works?"

"It doesn't matter if it does. I don't want that song sung around my baby girl!"

"Alright, I was just saying," he chuckles and wraps his arm around me to calm me down. I finally give in and rest my head on my shoulder.

"Some day you'll have heard her laugh a million times and you'll forget all about today." He assures me.

I like thinking about that and breathe out a serene breath. He squeezes my shoulder comfortably and I snuggle more into his chest. What makes me even happier is that one day, hopefully, Joey will truly be part of our family, helping raise Emma as his own. I can't wait until we can finally just be together and all watch Emma grow up and hear her laugh everyday. I just wonder when that day will come.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: **Here is the rest of the story. Thanks to everyone reading and reviewing, hope you all enjoyed it!

* * *

><p>The time comes where I explode. I didn't mean to, but holding in that much irritation for a person has to blow up in your face eventually right?<p>

Ross comes by to pick Emma up. I let him in and he asks where she is.

"She's with Joey. He was reading her a story. He'll get her stuff together in a few minutes," I say and he nods. That's what also bugs me, it's not just that he doesn't mention the situation, he treats us the same. He's not mad at Joey, he acts like Joey is just my room mate, like he always has been.

"Ross, I really can't take this anymore."

"What?"

"Why don't you just yell at me and Joey,_ hate_ us already!"

His eyes widen and his face screams shock.

"What do you mean_ hate_ you guys?"

"I mean, you are clearly not okay with the idea of us being together. So stop avoiding it, just come out and say it. I hate how you're just acting like nothing has happened!"

"I told you I needed some time."

"How much time, a year! It's been enough time Ross. Just get on with it already!"

Ross takes a deep breath and gets ready to come back.

"_Look_ Rachel," he says in a stern voice and clearly this isn't going anywhere good. But right before he can continue, we hear a sound.

It's a faint sound that we stop and try to listen to more closely. We hear it again and we both silently confirm what it is. It's Emma…laughing in the bedroom. We look at each other immediately. We quickly walk to the door and shush each other to listen.

I can't believe Joey was able to make Emma laugh and I wasn't hearing any dirty songs. I open the door and Ross and I walk in. We look at them.

Joey looks up, a big picture book open in his hands. Emma is looking up at him from the bed.

"Hey guys," he says. We don't say anything at first so he gets up.

"Sorry, I'll get her stuff," he says and walks over to get her bag.

"No, it's not that… how did you get Emma to laugh?" I ask and I can tell Ross is just as curious.

"Oh well, actually, it was kind of silly," he chuckles. "See I was reading her this book and on one page it says they were playing peek a boo so I started playing peek a boo with Emma. She was smiling so I could tell she liked it, then I said oink by accident. It was stupid, but she laughed. I don't know why, she likes it when I mess up the words." He smiles at us and we just stare wide eyed at him. I walk out and Ross quickly follows me.

"Hey what's wrong?" he asks.

"Our daughter is amused by Joey's stupidity and by dirty songs! Really, what is wrong with our daughter?"

"Rachel," Ross laughs.

"What, why is this funny," I spit.

"Come on, she doesn't understand anything. And as for Joey well we all laugh at him. What does it matter if our daughter is smiling. Is that no longer incredibly beautiful to hear?"

"No, of course it is."

"Then, don't worry. Let your daughter be happy and let her laugh at whatever she wants," Ross says and then the wide smile refuses to wipe off his face. It's so noticeable I wonder what's going on.

"Okay, why are you looking at me like that."

"It's just…I don't know, I'm happy…that Emma is laughing at something else, she's doing it more."

"Yeah, I think Joey's right, she'll be laughing all the time before we know it," I agree. Ross's face changes again and the look on his face catches me off guard again.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just… realized how stupid I've been."

"What?" I croak with the slightest hope Ross may be finally admitting what I've been waiting for.

"Joey is one of the greatest guys I know. Emma loves him and… if you do too then… he's probably the best guy I could ask for to have you."

"Really?"

Ross takes a huge sigh.

"Yeah, I mean if some other guy's gonna be raising Emma as well, then I should be lucky if it's Joey."

The tears are forming at my eyes, I'm too happy for words. I run up to Ross and hug him tightly. He wraps his arms around me and I forget ever being so angry with him.

* * *

><p>When Ross leaves with Emma, I can't take my eyes off Joey. He notices my staring and give me a weirded out look.<p>

"Hey, you know it's not polite to stare," he teases. I crack a smile, but my eyes don't waver. I'm leaning on the counter and he walks closer.

"Rach, are you okay?"

"Yes," I nearly whisper, still staying in the same exact state.

His eyebrows knit together and he takes another step closer to try and "examine me". He looks around me and then waves his hand in front of my face. I don't flinch.

"Rachel…" He's smiling as he continues to try and make me blink. Then he begins poking my sides and I'm a goner.

"Hey," I can't help the giggles from slipping out. "No fair!"

Now he progresses by tickling me until I'm bending over backwards trying escape him.

"Stoppp," my laughter echoes through the apartment. I try to run away, but he grabs me by the waist, lifts me up, and spins me around. I'm laughing uncontrollably and he has a grin showcased all over his face. He sweeps me up into his arms as if I'm his bride. It's too perfect because right now, what he doesn't know is, we're allowed to start our "honeymoon" if he would just carry me to the bedroom.

"How'd you know?" I ask.

"Know what?" He questions me.

I don't answer and instead kiss him with a fiery passion. When I release his lips, they're covered with confusion.

"You just like messing with me don't you," he states and is about to put me down. I grab his shirt.

"No, don't put me down," I tell him. He slowly straightens up and keeps me in his arms.

"Not unless it's on a bed," I smirk at him.

"What?" his voice cracks slightly and my smile grows, too anxious to finally tell him.

"It's time for our honeymoon," I whisper and he quickly understands.

"How?"

"Ross approves." I say. He nearly drops me when I say the words. I stumble to the ground.

"Sorry," he says and hurries to help me.

"Are you okay?"

He doesn't answer my question though.

"Wait, are you serious? When did this happen? Are you lying to me?"

I shake my head no, I think the joy jumping out of my skin is beginning to convince him on it's own.

"He just told me. Emma laughing was the golden ticket."

I can tell he's still trying to make sure I'm being for real. I take a few seductive steps towards him and place my hands on his chest.

"And I would never lie to you," I match my voice to my actions. I look into his eyes and see them burning black. He stares back until finally he pulls me into a searing kiss. I run my hand around his neck and hair. His hands on tightly fastened on my back. He lets go of my lips to pick me back up.

"To the bedroom, my love?"

"Yes please!" I laugh. He practically runs into the door and shyly apologizes again. He opens the door and places me on his bed. The readiness in his eyes matches mine.

He leans over me and doesn't stop kissing me until we're completely out of breath.

Sooner than we know, all our clothes are off and he's on top of me. I feel his true excitement against me and it's making my skin burn to what has to be an unsafe temperature. I'm going crazy and pull away from his kiss. I look at his face, not even an inch away from mine. This is one thing Joey's never slow at, he gets the hint right away.

He pulls back slightly and adjusts himself until I feel him entering me very carefully. A sound of pleasure escapes from my lips. The next time I look at him he looks scared. I think he's scared for me. I smile at him, rest my hands on his face and kiss him until he's more than convinced. He slowly starts moving and I feel the vibrations throughout my entire body.

I knew it was a while for me, but for him it's been too long. I can tell he's trying his hardest to hold back. I hold onto his back and his hand travels under us to bring us even closer together. This heightens the sensation for both of us and the sounds coming from us fill the room. He picks up the speed when he starts losing control. It doesn't matter, we come together in the end and he falls over me when we're done. Now, the sound of our heavy breathing fill our ears.

We try to catch our breath.

"Wow," I breathe. He's still breathing hard, but he must not care because he answers by kissing my neck tenderly until he's kissing my face and finally moves to my mouth again. The kisses don't last long since we can barely breathe as it is.

He rolls next to me now. I snuggle up to him.

I never knew the feel of his heart pounding beneath my hand would be so comforting. I love the feeling of my warm skin on his.

He turns his head to look at me.

"I never want to leave this bed," he smiles at me.

I put my hand to his cheek and caress his soft skin.

I smile back at him.

"I would never let you."

* * *

><p>The End.<p> 


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